Vanity Fear

A Pretentious A**hole's Guide to B-Movie Bullsh*t

The Adventures of Drake Wantsum, Hollywood Stuntman

Part One

The Producer's Girlfriend

“Drake! Stop! I heard a noise.”

“Sorry, sweetie, but I always bark like a dog during intercourse. It’s the only way I can maintain my giant erection.”

“No, not that. I think I heard someone come inside.”

“I didn’t think you’d notice. I haven’t been producing semen like I used too.”

“It’s Eddie.”

“Don’t fret, sweetie. I’m sure—“


 “Hey there, Eddie. We were just talkin’ about you.”

“Drake!  I told you I was going to propose to her. Tonight!”

“Why else do you think I hurried? Drake Wantsum would never fuck his best friend’s fiancé!”