Vanity Fear

A Pretentious A**hole's Guide to B-Movie Bullsh*t

The Adventures of Drake Wantsum, Hollywood Stuntman

Part Four

"At the Wake"

“Mr. Wantsum?”

“A pretty girl like you can call me Drake, sweetie. Wait. Have we met before? You look familiar.”

“I’m Mrs. Schmendrick, Stevie’s mother.”

“No way! What happened? Did you have him when you were twelve?”


“Oh. That must’ve been tough.”

“It was.”

“Okay, you’re beginning to creep me out. Was there something you wanted?”



“Revenge, Mr. Wantsum. It should have been you who died that afternoon.”

“Now wait—“

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to do anything now. That would be too easy. You’re going to suffer. More than anyone ever has before.”

“Seriously, twelve?”