This past Friday afternoon I decided to venture out into the world and found myself in a comic book shop on the other side of the city. Having already picked up my assortment of the week's new releases and stymied in my attempt to find an old-school Batgirl action figure (I know there are plenty out there, just not anywhere I've looked) I decided to thumb my way through its collection of Silver/Bronze age comics on the odd chance I might find something worth buying. Having gone through that store's boxes not too long ago in the past, I wasn't holding my breath, but then I chanced upon an only slightly-tattered copy of Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #21. This was a comic I had coveted ever since I first saw its cover illustrated in a post at Scipio Garling's Absorbascon and here it was for the completely sensible price of $10.
But, as happy as I am to have made this find, it turns out that #21 isn't the most memorable Lois Lane comic I picked up that day.
No, that honour has to go to issue #84
Truly, no comic has ever taught me so much....
Big Time Big City Reporters always look this fabulous
when they wake up in the morning.
There's a fine line between expressing excitement
and exhibiting signs of psychosis.
Somewhere in the DCU there's a college
that requires all of its female students
to include a modeling portfolio with their application.
The Ivy Leagues should take note of this.
Big Time Big City Reporters aren't very sentimental
about the mementos of their past.
There's a reason why in some quarters
Big Time Big City Reporter
is a synonym for B-I-T-C-H.
Big Time Big City reporters can usually take a hint.
Like most natural brunettes,
Lois loses something by going blond.
One thing Big Time Big City Reporter
isn't a synonym for is G-E-N-I-U-S.
It's always sad when your best friend from college
turns out to be a total backstabbing skank.
The only thing worse than finding yourself the victim
of a strange conspiracy is being at the mercy of
unreasonably literal rural lawmen.
Even one day in jail is enough
to turn anyone into Burt Lancaster.
There's nothing hotter than jail house love....
Except, of course, for a jail house catfight!
Even if you've only just escaped from a small town prison,
you still have no excuse not to look your absolute best.
Once you've escaped from prison
you might as well just keep on committing felonies.
If you mess around with "Superman's Girlfriend"
you gotta know that at some point
the dude in blue is gonna get involved.
Apparently the easiest way to dispose of thousands of cattle
is to throw them into a pit and shoot at them individually.
Speaking of synonyms, it looks like Big Time Rancher
also means L-Y-I-N-G D-O-U-C-H-E-B-A-G-S.
If Lois Lane is able to forgive and help
the assholes who made her life miserable,
what's stopping you?