This past Friday afternoon I decided to venture out into the world and found myself in a comic book shop on the other side of the city.  Having already picked up my assortment of the week's new releases and stymied in my attempt to find an old-school Batgirl action figure (I know there are plenty out there, just not anywhere I've looked) I decided to thumb my way through its collection of Silver/Bronze age comics on the odd chance I might find something worth buying.  Having gone through that store's boxes not too long ago in the past, I wasn't holding my breath, but then I chanced upon an only slightly-tattered copy of Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #21.  This was a comic I had coveted ever since I first saw its cover illustrated in a post at Scipio Garling's Absorbascon and here it was for the completely sensible price of $10.

 

But, as happy as I am to have made this find, it turns out that #21 isn't the most memorable Lois Lane comic I picked up that day. 

 

No, that honour has to go to issue #84

 

 

Truly, no comic has ever taught me so much....

 

 

Lesson #1

 

 

Big Time Big City Reporters always look this fabulous

when they wake up in the morning.

 

Lesson #2

 

 

There's a fine line between expressing excitement

and exhibiting signs of psychosis.

 

Lesson #3

 

 

Somewhere in the DCU there's a college

that requires all of its female students

to include a modeling portfolio with their application.

 

The Ivy Leagues should take note of this.

 

Lesson #4

 

 

Big Time Big City Reporters aren't very sentimental

about the mementos of their past.

 

Lesson #5

 

 

There's a reason why in some quarters

Big Time Big City Reporter

is a synonym for B-I-T-C-H.

 

Lesson #6

 

 

Ditto H-O-M-E-W-R-E-C-K-E-R.

 

Lesson #7

 

 

Big Time Big City reporters can usually take a hint.

 

Lesson #8

 

 

 

Like most natural brunettes,

Lois loses something by going blond.

 

Lesson #9

 

 

One thing Big Time Big City Reporter

isn't a synonym for is G-E-N-I-U-S.

 

Lesson #10

 

 

It's always sad when your best friend from college

turns out to be a total backstabbing skank.

 

Lesson #11

 

 

The only thing worse than finding yourself the victim

of a strange conspiracy is being at the mercy of

unreasonably literal rural lawmen.

 

Lesson #12

 

 

Even one day in jail is enough

to turn anyone into Burt Lancaster.

 

Lesson #13

 

 

There's nothing hotter than jail house love....

 

Lesson #14

 

 

Except, of course, for a jail house catfight!

 

 Lesson #15

 

 

Even if you've only just escaped from a small town prison,

you still have no excuse not to look your absolute best.

 

 Lesson #16

 

 

Once you've escaped from prison

you might as well just keep on committing felonies.

 

Lesson #17

 

 

If you mess around with "Superman's Girlfriend"

you gotta know that at some point

the dude in blue is gonna get involved.

 

Lesson #18

 

 

Apparently the easiest way to dispose of thousands of cattle

is to throw them into a pit and shoot at them individually.

 

Lesson #19

 

 

Speaking of synonyms, it looks like Big Time Rancher

also means L-Y-I-N-G D-O-U-C-H-E-B-A-G-S.

 

Lesson #20

 

 

If Lois Lane is able to forgive and help

the assholes who made her life miserable,

what's stopping you?